Ain’t I Black!?? Ain’t I Human????!!
[Disclaimer] This post has been sitting in my queue since last year and I’ve never published it.. At the time I was 27, now 28 I’ve seen more and more and I’ve been in more situations. So I guess just in time for Black History Month, I’ll shed light on what I’ve been experiencing in my life.
Ok, of course we’ve been seeing all of the craziness going on around us.. In all of 27 years of life, I’ve NEVER seen so much hatred. However, it has always been here. I just never noticed it. Living in Mississippi I should have been front seat seeing all of this, but I haven’t. I feel as though my parents shielded me from this. I feel so ignorant, so confused, so embarrassed that I can’t be passionately angry like every other African American around me. Well, I am passionately angry, I’m mostly angry at myself for not seeing this. I didn’t grow up in a rich suburban neighborhood, I didn’t always play with white kids, I didn’t go to a private school. I was exposed to each and everything that could have been politically/racially incorrect, and unethical. Yet, I NEVER SAW IT. I read about it in school, seen horrible movies about it, listened to people talk about it, yet I never experienced it. Or was I just in that “ignorant is bliss” phase? I don’t know. I’m sort of glad my parents shielded me and let me find this on my own. However, I hate that I’m just now seeing it. Again, I’m 27 years old, and just now experiencing racism. Seeing this for myself and I am embarrassed that I’ve kept quiet about my feelings because I’ve always known it was there, I’ve always seen it with other ppl but how do you talk about something you’ve never experienced? I don’t know.
Remember the case of Trayvon Martin? Yea, that bothered me, however it didn’t touch deep down. I felt sympathy for that family for HIM. I was angry at his killer, yet I didn’t FEEL what other African Americans felt. It’s like I didn’t understand.
But the case of Alton Sterling…. only 4 years later of Trayvon. This shook me down to the ground. This hit home. This made me FEEL everything that Black people have talked about for ages. I felt like the spot light was dead on me. About a year ago, some one from my hometown was gunned down (RIP Rickey Ball) and this BLEW MY MIND!! I’ve never seen things like this happen IN MY OWN LIFE!! I don’t know if this is making any sort of sense but it is definitely making sense in my mind.
CURRENTLY,
I’ve seen sooo much of this . EVERYWHERE and it’s so potent in my life that it’s sickening and it’s all I see. I hate I feel like this. Everyone isn’t bad and also, everyone isn’t good. What frustrates me is that I’ve been in the same place all my life and I’ve missed this. Sure I knew it was there.. but I’ve been oblivious..
I see it in the workplace, in stores, in the media, EVERWHERE.
Racism isn’t just black and white, no… it’s
Men vs. Women
Black vs. White or vice versa
Gay vs. Straight
Boss vs. Employee
Black vs. Black
But what can we do to stop this? Do we ignore that it’s even there? Or do we actually do something about it?
I admit, I was someone who ignored and was in true denial of what was going on around me but now… no. I spot it head on.
Of course, we can’t be super heroes everyday. But we can be advocates. Advocates of unity, fairness, and doing what’s right. Is that too much to ask??? Maybe so..
-Sincerely Anstacia